200 months

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200 months.

Another title for this blog entry could have been: the best relationship of my life

My first blog “Why not” which told the story about how I tumbled into gospel music ended with my husband.  He picked up our story in the Guest blog #1.  And this blog begins with him.

Ted Eric Dettweiler and I were married on December 20th 1997 – two hundred months ago.  He will always have the one-up on me since this was his idea…and he was right.

This morning on Facebook I posted a status about 200 months and an “old” friend asked me via inbox why I count the months.  Great question.  I think we’ve all been in situations where counting off the days or months or years is a negative thing, like a prisoner counting the days until his release.  On the contrary, for us counting the months since the day we were married is a positive thing.  When I replied to my friend’s question with some of the things I decided to write in this blog, she replied “…it’s scary how many couples from ’97 are no longer”.  For a millisecond I actually thought about counting how many…and…no.

Why do Ted and I count and celebrate monthiversaries?  We adopted this idea from his oldest brother Steve Dettweiler and his wife Sonia.  It is our way of cherishing each other and being intentional about building a GO(O)D marriage.  Frankly my posts are also about putting good news out there…that despite the statistics, marriage can be great and it can last for more than a couple of months.

Interestingly enough, at the 100-month mark I was a voice student in the jazz program at Université de Montréal and that night my classmates and I performed (for marks!) in a small bar.  On that night while I was on stage I dedicated the jazz standard “You’d Be So Nice To Come Home To” to my beloved husband who I had married 100 months before.  Yes of course he was in the room since he’s my biggest fan.

Who knows?  Maybe 100 months from now I’ll share what we did today.

[Ted has his own blog at http://dettweiler.ca/wp/]

Guest post #1

So it has almost been 1 month since the first post on my blog…[crickets]…and I decided to publish this guest post from my lover and best friend.  ENJOY!

Carol’s “Why not” post that launched her blog brought to mind the beginning of our relationship, when I joined the choir that she had said  “Why not” to.  At that point we had a relationship, but if I had stayed behind after the first practice and said “why don’t we get coffee, you and me, sometime?” our relationship might not have gone much further than that.  No, the “relationship” at that point was that I concentrated on exactly what those beautiful hands were telling me to do (musically) and I worked on learning the choreography.  We spent half an hour doing a basic choir choreography the very first night (I joined when the season was well in progress).  Believe me, I was a fish-out-of-water just trying to fit in, in this brave new world.  I had no headspace for romantic ideas about the choir director.

A year later and what had I learned about Carol, the director?  I had learned that she was extremely competent, even though she was still a rookie gospel choir director at that point.  She gave a spiritual direction to the choir as the songs called out to be understood, not just sung as oblique religious clichés.  Basically, she was Superwoman in her red choir robe.  I’d say that I definitely looked up to her even though literally, Carol stood on the floor and looked up at us, her somewhat less brilliant tenors (and altos and sopranos) in the choir stalls.

If some seer or prophet in a word of revelation had told me that I was about to enter into a relationship with someone in this choir that I had been with now for one year and that this relationship would re-define the rest of my years, I’m sure I would not have guessed who that woman might be.  How did we get to that first date, and then, eventually to having a romantic relationship?  I went out on a limb and asked Carol out and Carol decided that we could be friends.

And it was very good.

Ted Dettweiler.

Why not?

Almost one year ago a friend of mine ordered me to “start a blog”.  I still don’t know why she thinks (or thought) that I should start a blog, and I think that when I asked her to elaborate her response was “start a blog”.  What she didn’t know is that I already had the mechanism set up and functional…years ago.  But I hadn’t started.

Ah well.  Here’s my first installment.

One of the main reasons that God put me on this planet is to be a choir director…and not just any kind of choir director, a gospel choir director.

Recently I went walking with a choir member, and it became apparent that even though she had been in one of my gospel choirs for more than two years, she thought that I grew up with gospel music.  Not true.  And I was surprised that she thought this since I am positive that I have said the contrary at least once every year, to comfort and encourage the new members who are unfamiliar with the genre.

After further discussion (mostly in French with some English…like many conversations that take place in this city that I love) her story is that since her first language is French and she’s so tired on rehearsal nights she often doesn’t understand when I speak at rehearsal! Imagine that.  She’s missing all my jewels of wisdom.

So here’s the story.

Depending on how you see the world, I fell into gospel music by accident…or by design.   I love the line in the movie “Chariot’s of Fire” when Eric Liddell says “When I run I feel God’s pleasure”.  That’s how I feel when I direct.

Once upon a time I entered a competition called “Afrofestival”.   It was like a “Montreal’s Got Talent” show with participants competing in different artistic domains.  This was the first of only two auditions I’ve done in my life…unless the others are in the sea of forgetfulness that protects me sometimes.

I still remember going to the black community center in NDG, the judges seated at a table, and me walking across the wood floor in my high heels to put the cassette with my accompaniment track in the player.  Click, click, click, click.  Singing my CCM song.  No reaction on their faces.  Click, click, click, click.  Retrieving my cassette.   And one of the judges saying something like “Don’t call us.  We’ll call you”.  When I got out of the building I thought “oh well my Mother loves me”.

Oh well.  I did get the call, was part of the show…and won the trophy for best singer. One of the judges was a gospel choir director and the pianist who accompanied me encouraged me to join the church choir she directed.   And I did.   It was a “why not” kind of decision for me.  At the time I wasn’t singing in my church and I thought it would be good to get involved in the black community for many reasons…including the fact that university was done, my career was doing well, and it was time to get married.

I sang in the alto section of that choir for a couple of years and when the director resigned I was asked if I would like to direct the choir.  It was another “why not” kind of decision for me.   I said yes.

And that’s how I tumbled into directing gospel choirs.  It’s also how I met the love of my life.  And yes I married him.  After he chased me.  A lot.   And a few minutes ago he kissed me and left for work.